I Have This! Really!?
There is a reason I called this blog “Managing” it all and not “Having” it all. By definition, I can say I “have” the family, reasonably successful career, and a pretty fulfilling life, but I know I would be fooling myself and others to say I “have” it all. Now, admitting that to my type A brain is probably one of the hardest things I have ever done, and much harder writing it in a blog for the world to see, but I think it’s time I come clean for my sanity and for all of the other Type A’s out there thinking they have to push through by themselves and live up to some super standard that was made up. I don’t have this all and never did! I HAVE juggled, struggled, failed, cried, laughed, and managed my way through the years. I HAVE been one of the lucky ones that had a village of support around me with a supportive husband, helpful friends and family, and understanding bosses and co-workers. It just took me several lessons to learn to accept the help, to admit defeat, and to understand I can love my family, love my career, and love my life all at the same time without mastering all every day. To learn that managing through is sometimes the way to go.
I have read every self-help book on the shelf for leaders and overachievers. I kept thinking I had it like the author of all of those books. I really wanted to have it! I wanted to be a successful business woman – handle my business and come home, go to my kid’s soccer games, go on a date night with my husband, and then return home to clean the house and do laundry. They made it seem like it was possible. Well, these things did happen, but someone forgot to mention how much all of those things really overlap. When I was in the middle of them I thought, I was failing at everything, always pushing myself to do better, be better, as most mom’s do, we can’t stop thinking about how much better we can be doing everything. (we really have to work on this mom’s -it’s only us who think we fail this bad).
Have What?!
In reality, this is what it looked like – after barely seeing your family and being exhausted from 2 nights straight of escalation calls and running late from work but having to leave early while everyone else is still there to make it to the soccer game you promised your daughter you would be at – having to be on a conference calls while at the soccer game because one of your customers largest retail sites just went down – leaving the burden again on your husband to bring snacks to the game as snack parent – trying to listen to the call for important parts through the cheers and yells of the parents around you giving you dirty looks because you dare to be on a call during a 6 year old’s soccer game – but trying hard to hide your phone when your daughter looks up so she has your undivided attention and seeing her smile at you for a brief second – pretending your phone signal dropped so you can participate in the high five line at the end of the soccer game to make sure your daughter see’s you at the end of what you can only guess was a great game since they don’t keep score – rushing through after game dinner with the team while holding hands with and getting as close to your husband as you can, since you have not actually got to hold a conversation with him in a week not involving kids, bills, or the house – then back home to a messy house to get back on a conference call while your husband gets your daughter ready for bed – calling a bio-break on the conference call so you can go read the bedtime story to your daughter. That is what that looks like in real life – that is how I leaned in. Not pretty, not easy, and definitely not idea, but I managed. 
Manage ALL This!
Through the years, I chastised myself over and over about not giving my all to my family, regretting missed moments, feeling like I failed at work, wishing I didn’t have to put what I thought should be my tasks on others, and just overall failing at what I wanted as life. Come to think of it I have been a real “B” to myself over the years. I am older now and I hope wiser. I have more time as our oldest 2 are adults, and as life goes, rhythm set in a few years ago, to make things easier. The long talks my husband and I now get to have, calmed my fears of the years I thought I was failing as a wife and made me see we are a partnership and have been in this together. My now 17-year-old youngest, does not remember me being on the phone during that game (or the others for that matter), and I know that at least through the years she has seen my work ethic and my commitment to my family…these are both good things.
I managed and I still manage with the help of my husband and family. I managed with the help of other parents who took my kids to many practices and parties for me while I traveled or worked late. I managed because other co-workers stepped up and I did the same for them when they needed it (after all I’m not the only one in this club). So, while my younger self would have never admitted not to having it all, I am going to give her a pass. If I still get the amazing, messy, busy life I have now with my awesome kids, loving husband, and rewarding career, managing it all will do nicely.