There is a dilemma I have struggled with through my career as a leader. Being “The Witch” (we will use this word instead of the “B” word to keep it friendly) versus the “Strong Leader”. It is one that I have not figured out how to overcome or conquer. The Witch. A title put upon women in leadership positions through the years. One some may have earned and embraced, but others have fought to overcome.
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A Witch Is Born
You see I have been called a natural leader much of my life. I was put into leadership positions as early as I can remember in school, clubs, sports and then it became second nature when I entered the workforce. This is where the problem begins. Early on I noticed a difference in how my male counterparts were responded to when they made tough decisions or had to be persistent to get something done. There was a different tone and language used to describe their actions verses mine. I didn’t pick up on this at first, as early in my career I was too busy just trying to make it in the IT boy’s club. As time went on and my experience and exposure grew, it became obvious – I was “The Witch” not the “Strong Leader” like my male counterpart. Was I imagining it, was it my industry, or was I doing something wrong?
I would pick up on it in meetings where I could make the exact statements as my male counterpart, but I became “The Witch” and they were tagged the “Strong Leader”. While I was respected for getting the job done, received recognition, and moved up in the industry it was often with “The Witch” tag. Things were said as a supposed compliment, instead of words like strong, diligent, and persistent which were used for the men, the words aggressive, militant, and commanding were used for the women. What was amusing, I was often the most tactful leader of the group – we had yellers, and cursers, yet that was more acceptable than an even toned woman requesting someone do their job at a high level of quality in a specific timeline. I have been called a “lightening rod”, a Nazi, forceful, and tenacious while doing exactly what my male counterparts do. In the same light, they are called good leaders, capable, tough, and solid.
He Said What?
To give a small example that was not too long ago, I was on a meeting with several layers of management due to an issue with our largest client. We had recently gotten a new CEO and he had joined the call without letting us know he was on and he sat silently and listened. We were working through our plan and as you can imagine with IT engineers everyone has their own ideas of what they think is best. They were talking over one another, interrupting, and not once did we get a solid idea out. While the call was not mine to run, after listening to several of the managers of the company go nowhere for 20 minutes of a 30-minute call I decided to take control and help them formulate a plan since, after all, this is my area of expertise. I interrupted the chaos and guided them through the conversation and pulled out a plan and within that last 10 minutes we had a solid plan to move forward. 
The call ended with the other managers thanking me for helping. I doubt I need to mention I was the only female on the call. You would have thought the new CEO would have come away with a good impression of my work on that call, and remember I didn’t even know he was on the call. Instead of this happening, the CEO reported to my boss, the COO, that I was “very aggressive” and if I handled calls this way I would not be respected. The main reason he gave for this report – because I “interrupted the guys during their important discussions.” No mention of accomplishing what was required when no one else was doing it for our highest revenue paying client. No mention of the aggressiveness of the men on the call who never once let each other finish a sentence until I took over the call. This is just one example in a long career of similar experiences.
For the Love of the Industry
Even with this challenge I do want to make it clear, I am one of the lucky few that can say I love what I do for a living. I work in the technology industry and I have done everything in the industry from supporting basics like walking users through rebooting their home computers to managing the deployment of multimillion dollar IT enterprise projects. I have rarely had a day I didn’t learn something new and there were always new opportunities around every corner. I have touched the software side, hardware, datacenter, cloud, and solution side of the industry… and I continue to love it. I also have a good relationship with a lot of my male counterparts and leaders and I honestly do not think they know they are doing it. I do not think there is an intent in most cases. I have had some great male mentors and coaches, and while I know they respect me, they are the ones that have made some of these same unintentional comments. They really thought they were complimenting me.
I think this is something that has been fed into our society and comes with lack of experience, exposure, and ignorance. According to the Deloitte Global TMT 2016 Predictions article, in 2015 women made up only 25% of the workforce in IT for developed countries. If the men are not working with a lot of women, and they have not been around a lot of women in leadership, as unfortunately is the case in most industries, maybe it is hard for most men to naturally know how to respond. I am not giving anyone an excuse for bad behavior, but I am hoping to find an explanation that may help us begin shifting the mentality. If the men do not see women in strong positions often maybe comfort and education will begin to shift this thinking.
It’s Really NOT Just Me!
Through the years, I have talked to women in leadership positions across other industries and I began to hear similar stories. This made me feel less alone and less crazy – maybe it wasn’t in my head, maybe I wasn’t doing everything wrong. The common theme I heard is that often women in leadership feel they must make a choice between being “The Witch” or “The Pushover”. There is no in between. In some companies, there was no option to just be the strong leader. I have been there and it is never a good place to be when your goal is to be the best leader you can be for your company and your team. Maybe it is time that we start educating the men a little more on this subject and stop letting it be the acceptable behavior. (If you are a man reading this article I am hoping you take away a new perspective.) We also need to stop letting ourselves accept it and stick together as women leaders. The more we call each other witches the more others will believe it. 
I will admit the typecasting did make me adjust my tone and language through the years. I did learn from the better leaders and put aside some of the more aggressive behaviors I picked up from some of my male (and female) mentors. I also saw women who fully embraced the witch persona and figured there was no other way to get things done. I learned through experience, leadership training, and just trial and error what works with different people and different situations, and I continue to learn. As with all challenges, dilemmas, and opportunities I have faced in my career, I have learned from the lessons and have become a better manager and leader because of it, and this one is no different. While I have not found the solution to the problem of “The Witch” versus the “Strong Leader” it is good to know that I am not alone in this battle. I will continue to be the best leader I can be and continue the education of the men who surround me and the encouragement of more female leaders in my industry. Together, maybe we can get rid of this unnecessary “B” title and be recognized for what we really are – Strong Leaders who just happen to be women.
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