I would dare to bet everyone reading this has had that moment where the fear of failing has impacted the way you handled a situation at least once. Maybe it was as simple as not trying out for the school play, or as impacting as not going for that promotion you know you deserved. It is a different type of fear than we experience in a life-threatening situation, yet it still signals the same fight or flight response.
The fear of failure can be more powerful than the drive of ambition or the motivation for success. I have seen people handle the fear in many ways. Some pass up opportunities, some maintain the minimum where it is safe, and others drive harder to hope failure doesn’t catch up with them. I always prided myself on not being afraid of many things, or so I thought. I usually take the leap of faith, try new things, and push myself to achieve. But I have recently recognized that what I thought was my drive for ambition has sometimes been a drive because of a fear of failure.
Recognizing The Fear
I do not think it is always the fear, but I do now recognize it has been at different points in my life and career what has driven me to different decisions and attitudes. Depending on what was happening at that point in my life, what ever was hard to manage and the fear of failing begins to take over and drives me more than I realized at the time. The fear of failing as a mother, as a wife, as a leader, as an employee…then I would throw myself into that mode and neglect the others to be sure I did not “fail”, or at least manage it to the best of what felt like wasn’t failing at the time.
Now, as my children are older and do not need me as much, my husband and I have more time to each other, my calendar isn’t packed with other people’s needs, and work is the only real “stress” I have, I get a new perspective. I get to see what is driving me through the stress at work and what changes my attitude and decisions. I realized the other day I can see when that fear creeps in and changes what my normal response would be, and I can control it a bit more.
Using The Fear
Fear is not necessarily a bad thing, after all it is a response to protect us and therefore we should listen to our instincts and acknowledge our feelings. I do know the fear of failing has driven me to be better and to push myself outside of my box. It has helped me be more successful. But I also recognize now that it has also made me much harder on myself and others than I should have ever been in some cases. That same fear has also stopped me from taking the new job or speaking up for something I believed in.
In the end, I must believe the fear of failing balanced in my favor, but it would have served me better if I could have recognized at a much earlier age it was in the driver’s seat when I thought it was ambition. Maybe I did recognize it and just didn’t want to admit it or maybe I didn’t know how to identify it for what it was, but as they say, with age comes wisdom.
Does fear of failing drive you or is it just ambition? How do you respond to it?