Managing It All in a New Year

Goodbye 2020 and Hello 2021. As we move on to the new year, I have spent time thinking about what “Managing it All” means to different people.   2020 taught many about their abilities to really manage it all…and I do mean ALL.  If juggling work at home through countless zoom calls, while teaching the kids through distance learning at the same time keeping them focused and entertained and trying to keep a somewhat livable household that you never leave during a global pandemic and managing all the fear that goes along with it doesn’t teach you what the “all” is, then surely nothing will.

I started this blog in 2016 with the hopes of it being a community blog where women like me can share their lessons learned, tips, tricks, and fears of managing family, career, and life. Read my very first blog “Having It All!??”   I had spent years reading the leadership books and how to be successful help books – all telling me I could “have it all”. I just needed to lean in, to work harder, to be better. I read the parenting books that told me the same.   At the end of the day, I felt exhausted, unhealthy all around, and my relationships suffer and while logically I knew I was doing the best I could, I just couldn’t help but feel I was failing someone or something.  I write about this in one of my early blogs, “Managing the Guilt.”  

What I have learned through the years is that having it all is much like the concept of multitasking.  Many people believe they are doing it but what is really happening is they are dropping one thing to do the other. Yes, I was building the career I wanted, I had the family and good marriage, and the lifestyle I chose, but if I concentrated on one of those things too much the others suffered and that is what I thought I was failing.  After all, that is what the books said having it all was about – actually having, growing, and keeping those things while becoming the executive.  

Dang You Sheryl!

Then one day during an incredibly stressful period in my life, a time when I was leaning in so much it felt as if I were on my tip toes to get to that next level, my kids were teens and we were on a ride of hormones, and all the normal stresses of marriage were alive in the house, I had an epiphany. Well, epiphany is a bit dramatic, but you get my point.  Having anything that day seemed a far concept much less, all.  I was writing yearly reviews for my employees, who were project managers. As I wrote out the descriptions of the work they were doing with the back of my brain reeling from the stress around me and secretly hating Sheryl Sandberg, I realized a better concept was doing just what they were doing but to life, managing it all.  

After all, I too was an experienced, certified project manager and know how to plan, prioritize, schedule, and successfully implement the most complex technical projects so why could I not apply the same concepts to managing life. I suddenly did not feel like such a failure when I did not finish everything on my to do list that day. The pressure of having it all was relieved. One of the first things you learn as a project manager is something will always go wrong.  No matter how good your plan, there will be a failure, missed timelines, bad design, unforeseen acts of God…you resolve the issue, re-baseline, and move on. That is why all good project managers do risk analysis and mitigation plans and constantly evaluate them. Life is no different.

Give Yourself Permission!

The concept of managing it all gave me the freedom to not have to be successful at it all every day. Which gave me a healthier mental outlook and in turn made me a better mother, wife, and employee.  Unfortunately, I realized this way later than I wish I had.  I have had this conversation with many ambitious working moms like me and they have had the same struggles with the concept of having it all, and many realized, like me, they were already managing it all, they just had to give themselves permission to say it.

Managing it All readers, wherever you are in your journey I hope you find your balance and way to manage it all and get what you want out of life. Give yourself permission to fail, to drop the balls, to miss the games, to forget the report, to snuggle a little longer, to read one more bedtime story, to eat that dessert, to have that date night, to work late to finish that presentation, but most of all give yourself permission to manage it all and not worry about having it all perfect.

If you would like to share your experience, lessons learned, or tips as a guest blogger on Managing It All email angel.jones@managingitall.com.