A Tribe Makes The Journey Easier
Life is hard. This is one thing I think we all learn early. It also can be unfair, exhausting, and sometimes almost unbearable. But life can also be amazing, exhilarating, and an adventure of twists and turns into your own utopia. Through these roller coaster experiences I have found the value of finding your tribe to manage it all with. The good, the bad, the indifferent.
In a women’s conference recently, there was a forum where young mothers asked for advice on managing work life balance. This is first thing that came to my mind, I know I could not do it without my tribe. I definitely could not have gotten through school, work, kids schedules, as well as kept my sanity. I believe the African proverb “It takes a village…” is not just about raising children, but about getting through life.
(The second thought I had for them was – get a housekeeper! It is well worth the money and you can find services for most budgets these days – the time it will save you is priceless. But that’s another topic).
A tribe of people to help through the difficult or to take on the burden when you cannot. Your person that will listen to venting so you do not say it to the wrong person. Or that someone to hold your hand when you cannot move forward. That group of trusted confidants to share the inside joke, pick the kids up, and to celebrate the successes. I have been very fortunate to have an amazing tribe through my journey and I am thankful for each and every one of them.
Value of Different Roles In the Tribe
I learned that my tribe may have different roles in my life but are equally important. I have my real sisters and those that just seem to always have been in my life, my chosen sisters. They are the ones I can pick up the phone and just talk or if I needed anything, they would make it happen. They have been there for my kids, for every volunteering event I roped them into, at the celebrations, and at the funerals. When I have news to share, good or bad, I call them right after my husband.
Most of my tribe I have known for decades. One I met in English class when I was 15 and we have been at every big event in each other’s lives since. We can go months without talking, then pick up the phone and talk for 2 hours without skipping a beat. Others are family, or I met at work, playing soccer, through volunteer activities, or through our kid’s. Each of them are important to me.
A True Tribe Member
To give an example of how I continue to build my tribe, I met one of them only seven years ago. It seems such a short time but it feels as I have known her my whole life. She is a chosen sister. It was the end of both of our daughter’s 8th grade year and they made the high school cheer squad. We were at a meeting about their practice schedule, which began immediately. For those not from Texas, we take high school cheerleading very seriously, so I knew I was in for schedule hell on top of an already chaotic life. I was still not prepared for what they laid out.
We happened to sit at the same table, and she had a little girl that she quietly kept entertained. We made idle chitchat and introductions as we waited for the meeting to start. As the coach began going through the expectations of the next few months and into summer. This was before high school or the cheer season even started! I pulled up my work and travel schedule and the panic must have shown on my face or I may have audibly gasped. I knew my husband’s schedule was just as bad as he had been working 10-hour days at that time.
Tribe for Life
This woman sitting across from me looked me in the eyes and just began telling me where she could help. She would take my daughter to this practice or this event if I needed. Bonus – she was a massage therapist and could come to my house – I guess she saw I needed some de-stress. What she did not know at the time is I was going through a lot more than a schedule challenge.
There was so much chaos in our lives at that time but we were trying so hard to keep it all together. I wanted to cry and hug her right there in that room. We became fast friends and have always found it easy to talk to each other. The kindness and understanding she showed a stranger that day highlighted the type of person she is. It still rings true today as she is now a nurse and continues to give to others. I am honored to have her a part of my tribe and she will always have a place in it.
Coaching, Adventures, and Wine
I have my work tribe that understands what it means to be one of the 25 percent of women in technology. They coach me through the hard days and cheer me through the successes. Then there are the ones where we have trust in each other to discuss our relationships. Knowing it stays in our circle with an understanding it is just a temporary release because this helps keep our marriages healthy. It is also important to include people in your tribe who are strong in your weak areas to give you better perspective and advice.
There are those who I take adventures with and those that I can laugh until we cry. Then there are the few members that can drink wine and talk all night because we all need an outlet. I have had my tribe through the years that helped us take the burden of the schedules. We tag teamed practices, carpools, and had date night switch offs that made it all possible.
Care For Your Tribe
I am also fortunate to have had a supportive present husband through all these years and I do consider him a part of my tribe but having that outside support group makes the journey easier and better. It is important to remember to care for your tribe and not take them for granted. This is how I have had many of them for decades.
Life often gets busy, and we sometimes lose track but for those important you want to make sure you reach out occasionally and not lose that connection. True friends understand you cannot keep constant contact and technology makes it easy to just send a text or have a quick call. Just remember you do not want to need your tribe and look up to find you have not contacted them in a long time.
The Reminder of The Value of Finding Your Tribe
I have been reminded more than once lately just how important finding a tribe is to navigate our journeys successfully. Recently, I wrote a chapter in a leadership book where I had to look back at my journey and I know how much my tribe helped me get through. I was reminded as I met a very young mother struggling to fight for her children without a support system.
Then again through the eyes of two mothers of special needs children who just needed a few hours out. They had to plan more than a month in advance to get it, this takes a tribe. I also saw the need of the tribe as I mentor young women starting their careers. They ask questions like “at what point in my career is the right time to have children, “ an impossible question to answer. They will definitely need their tribe.
So, when those young working moms asked what the best advice is for creating a better work life balance, building and using a Tribe of your own is the first thing that came to mind. Surround yourself with intelligent, graceful, funny, knowledgeable, helpful, and beautiful-hearted people who you can relate to and who will love your family like their own. This is exactly what I did, and it has served me well. Find Your Tribe!
To My Tribe – Thank You for all you have done and still do! Without you, I would not be me.
aj
Here’s another article with some tips on how to build your tribe!