I recently started a new chapter in my career. The third in three years. It is a great thing and I am enjoying it very much, but it has also brought out a side of me that I am trying hard to control. The impatient perfectionist. The internal struggle I have with myself to do everything as quickly as possible, but make sure it is done perfectly. The want, drive, and need for everything to go exactly as I envision amid a chaotic agile world. I have been down this road many times and know it leads to long work hours, exhaustion, disappointment, a frustrated family, but also some success. I must remind myself how to find the balance in it all.
Groundhogs Day Please!
I am sure there are many out there like me. I know some of you. You know that feeling when you are handed a new puzzle or problem to solve you jump in with both feet not coming up for air until it is solved. When I was younger, there was no stopping me. I would bury myself in the problem, or in most cases problems, and I would push myself to solve it as quickly as possible. Trying to do multiple things at one time and disappointed and angry at myself when it didn’t all go exactly as I had planned. I would wish I had a switch I could flip to trap me in a Groundhogs Day type of 
repeat scenario until I got it right. I would have the time I needed to really do it perfectly and see the outcome before everyone else did, but if it didn’t work I would let the groundhog drive the truck off the cliff and wake up and try it again until it did. (come on, I know I’m not the only one who wished they had this option)
That would have been an amazing option for my brain. No one would have seen the time that it really took me to get it there or the failures, and it would have been perfect. Unfortunately, only Bill Murray got that little adventure. The rest of us had to get it to work the hard way. I would spend days on problems to find the perfect solutions when in reality, the first try would have sufficed, or hours just making sure a format was exactly to a specification I made up in my brain when no one else noticed. I would take on work I should have easily delegated just because I thought I could do it better. I wouldn’t prioritize as only in my head everything had to get done right now.
Managing The Impatient Perfectionist
Since I was always passionate about my work and I caught on to things quickly I moved into leadership roles early in my career. If I am honest with myself probably before I was really ready. As a young manager, I struggled with not expecting everyone to work the same way I did – with that same drive for immediate perfection. I couldn’t understand why everyone just didn’t work until the job was done or why they couldn’t see the big picture exactly as I saw it. I mistakenly made this their failure without any real assistance from me.
Through trial and error, good mentors, training, and experience I did learn how to use everyone’s strengths and not to expect everyone to work as I do, but that was a very hard one for me to overcome. I realized I cheated my people when I didn’t let them use their strengths instead of trying to force them into a clone of me. I also realized in a lot of cases I found my weakness were the strengths of others on my team, and it not only benefitted them to let their strengths shine, but it helped me be a better manager. This all played against the part of my personality that needed everything done exactly as I needed it exactly when I wanted it, but in the long run I knew it was the right thing and it not only made me a better manager but a better leader.
Finding Harmony
While in the middle of the work I didn’t know any different. I have always loved what I do so that passion pushed me to do more and do it better. I recognize this isn’t a negative thing. It is a part of who I am and a part of what led me to the successes I have had today. I also know that it not something I can ever completely change about my personality nor do I think I want to. After all, it is the part of me that also pushes me to be a better wife and mother, a more attentive friend, and feeds my drive to give back to this world. I want to solve the problems and I want to do it all now and I want it to be right. But as time and experience often does, it has taught me I do need to once again understand that everything must find the right harmony.
I have a big task at hand, but I also have a team and support system. This is the difference from how I would go about a new opportunity like this 10 years ago to today. Through the years of managing all different personalities and working for every type of boss, I now understand the value of collaboration. Also, having three new jobs in three years at three very different companies helped me calm this very prickly task master monster inside me. Having to learn new people and new business while taking on the new challenges forced me to take a back seat and slow down to watch. This taught me more than I ever expected. I learned to trust more in my team, to listen closer to everyone around, and to be sure to understand the priorities of what needs to get done and when. Everything doesn’t have to be done now and trying to force it all through will most likely set my team and me up for failure.
The Lesson of Patience
Work has been where my impatient perfectionist shows its teeth the most, but it is not the only part of my life it exists. It overflows into all aspects of wanting to get it all right and being disappointed when I can’t do it all or when things don’t go as I expected. Parenthood is one of those areas of life that will quickly show you that you really are not in control of anything. As I discussed in my blog on being a mom of teenagers nothing quite goes as you plan, and you find a whole level of patients you didn’t even know you were ever capable of reaching. Being a mother of teenagers actually helped me become a better manager and leader. I learned to be patient with the most difficult of requests. I learned how to listen better, react less, and to manage through the drama. These are very important skills that have served me well in the business world. These are skills I was not very good at before I parented teenage girls. This patience allowed me to accomplish more than the impatient perfectionist ever did in the frenzy of long working nights.
I am very excited about the challenge and opportunity that is ahead of me now, but that excitement is tempting that part of me to come out. I am keeping the worst part at bay, but using the strengths to continue to move forward with the priorities as they are needed to be successful. I have found myself several times this week pushing things forward in phases and reminding others it doesn’t have to be perfect and we can tweak it as we go – this is a huge step for me. I now know I cannot do it all myself and a good leader coaches and trains her team to solve problems, not just solves the problems for them. One of my favorite quotes is from Maya Angelou, “Now that I know better, I do better.” I try to use this in everything I do – take my lessons and apply them.
When You Know Better, Do Better
I now create problem solving committees amongst my teams – they get to create the solution and present it. They become the change agents for what impacts them, which means they will be happier about the change and it will have a higher chance of success. I only provide input and as long as there is a majority agreement, feasibility, budget when needed – the solution is implemented. I have practiced this now for about 6 years and it has been very difficult at times but very successful. I have not been in complete agreement, but I have never overruled a committee’s decision, because after all they are the ones who must live with the outcome in their day-to-day operations. I also create councils for myself when major decisions need to be made if impacting a specific area. This forces me to stop and consider other impacts and gives my team input and control. This all makes for happier employees, things get done quicker, and it takes some of the burden solely off me.
Now not to say that some things are still just my responsibility and that I still drive with the same determination as I have always have in my career. In some cases, I do not have the luxury or time of creating councils or committees and I must decide or get things done. In these cases, I can easily let my normal personality take over and I move forward being sure to keep a pulse on the impatient perfectionist.
Keeping The Balance
So, as I once again embark on a new and exciting opportunity, I remind myself there is no Groundhogs Day switch and I have a team. This is a marathon not a sprint. I have a long list of things I need to accomplish and I must trust in my team and a plan. I am sure there are many others out there like me who want to get it all done and get it done perfectly yourself. I hope you all find your balance and a method to keeping the sanity while solving the problems and finishing your puzzles. Real life doesn’t have a Punxutawney Phil to reset the clock for us so we should just get it done to the best of our ability and keep it moving forward. I have learned to control the beast a bit and find that balance of achievement and management, but I still let my impatient perfectionist come out to do its thing when the need arises.