I haven’t written in a while. When I started this Blog I set a goal to be sure that the outcome was always positive in some manner. I believe we are exposed to enough negativity every day in this world, so my intention was to ensure to produce a sense of camaraderie, partnership, love, and community. A place where we can help each other by sharing what we know, giving lessons learned, and encouraging each other. Share positivity! Which brings me to why I haven’t written in a while. I haven’t been very positive.
I am not sure exactly when it happened, but looking back I can see over the last six to nine months or so I had become increasingly more and more negative about…well, everything. While I can’t say I am the Polly Anna I was when I was younger, I have always been able to find the bright side of the dark hills. But lately I realized I started off each morning thinking about how horrible the day would go before it even started.
Positivity Takes A Break
It took me a bit to realize just how bad it had gotten until one day recently I was talking (aka venting) with a friend and I realized in a 10-minute period I had complained just about everything in my life. I mean EVERYTHING. As I left that conversation it dawned on me that I have rarely had a conversation with one of my friends recently in which I didn’t complain about something. My husband had even pointed out how negative I had been lately, and how out of character it was for me. Funny enough, I found myself complaining in my head all the time too!
It wasn’t just that I was complaining, it was impacting everything. I wasn’t enjoying my life as much as I should. I had a permanent scowl where a smile used to be. I was more short with everyone around me and not as helpful. I wanted more alone time than I had ever desired and really didn’t want to socialize as much because I again saw the negative side of the what ever scenario would be. So, I decided to evaluate what was going on and fix it – this is not me. This is not who I want to be.
Is It Really That Bad?
Things have been strange this year. There have been a lot of changes at work and I am questioning many decisions I made leading to the position I am in today. I worry non-stop about my kids. Our youngest graduated high school and we are getting ready to move her to college and be empty-nesters. I am spending a lot of my time on a charity organization that I do not feel I am really a part of and I still haven’t met some of my own personal goals for the year. I have felt a little overwhelmed by all I have to do and the ever-ticking clock.
Maybe the root cause for the negativity is in there but change and a lengthy list of to-do items isn’t new for me so I realized I had to stop and open-up to all the possibilities of the positives. It hasn’t been easy but I am working on it. I started by reviewing each and searched out other ways to be mindful of all I have in my life. After all, I have built a pretty amazing life that I need to remember to enjoy.
Finding The Light
Pushing through to the light of positivity, I remembered I work in an industry I love and my job provides a great life for my family. I thrive on change and love to learn new things. Our children are strong smart adults. I am so very excited for my youngest to begin living her life in college and her possibilities for the future are endless. My husband and I will be like the newlyweds we never got to be as this will be the first time we have lived alone. I am spending time helping a great cause for children and I have complete control over my time.
It is all about perspective. I have engaged in the Mindfullness community at work to learn and practice more meditation, stress relief, and being in the moment. I am working on not putting off stuff I enjoy – like writing. I started talking about the feeling of negativity openly so that I recognized when it was there, and could re-evaluate and be more open to the positive side of the situation. I am working on smiling more. It is a work in progress but I am getting there.
I know this is just a point in time and this too shall pass. I have an amazing support system and a great life. Positivity is all around. I know others must fight through this type of struggle too. For those who face it daily I hope you find your positivity too because one thing I have learned is that the negativity cave is a dark and lonely place to be. Keep searching for the positivity light at the end – it is there!
What do you do to find your positivity?